could pixel be the solution?

Finally, after the failed mission last night, I already got to pay for the pixel sessions at Skin Care Solutions. When I called their clinic to inquire a few days ago, it seemed that the doctor was quite hesitant in accepting credit card payment even though her secretary already confirmed this through text. I explained to the doctor that I had a very tight budget then and my cash was already allotted for other purposes. She considered my reason and allowed me to pay for the 2 sessions using my trusty Citi plastic.

While I was waiting for my payment to be processed, I mentioned to her that I had already undergone pixel laser procedure last August in Makati Med. However, despite the “glow” it gave my face, the depressed scars are still very prominent and I still get very conscious especially under overhead lighting [e.g. elevator lighting!]. She made me go near her to check if the scars were indeed bad. She assured me that they were barely noticeable and I didn’t need to undergo the procedure. I reasoned that I was wearing concealer then that’s why the scars were less prominent.

Honestly, these scars are really driving me crazy! I know this might sound petty for some but I just can’t take my mind off my facial blemishes. Having these pesky pimples, scars, and dark marks affect me deeply since I think that people I meet are bothered by these flaws. I sometimes catch the eye of some people not looking in my eyes but in my cheeks where the scars are mostly concentrated. I also tend to compare myself with other girls who have flawless skin, and it’s very seldom that I see girls suffering from the same skin condition that I have. Whenever I look at those girls with smooth and almost poreless skin, I can’t help but get envious of their seemingly effortless beauty since they can afford not to wear makeup to conceal blemishes. Besides, I know most guys fall for girls with smooth skin since having blemishes sort of implies not taking good care of oneself.

People close to me know how much I’ve been spending to rectify all these blemishes on my face. It’s not that I’m vain, but mainly because I don’t think I deserve to have blemished skin. Modesty aside, I don’t think I’m ugly. I’m not drop dead gorgeous, but I think some people find me pretty. Despite having blemishes, I’m quite pleased that there are still people who find me attractive and I notice that there are even some who turn their heads just to take a second look at me. Some guys had guts to approach me but unfortunately, I don’t like them. Those that I find cute don’t approach me and we usually just end parting ways without exchanging numbers or even having a little chitchat. However, despite attracting a couple of guys, sadly, those whom I want don’t seem to find me attractive mainly because of my ugly skin. Oh well, I just hope that I’ll finally achieve the skin I’ve been wanting to have for the longest time! So help me God.