Not getting any better
Life has not been great the past days. It has been a complete 180 from the time I was quite hopeful and optimistic about the future just about 2 weeks ago. I had this glimmer of hope that my breakthroughs in life will already start to unravel. I already have the crystals I could possibly need to transform my life, so I just have to pray that these treasures from God will already help me get out of this very depressing and deep rut that I’ve been into for a long time now. But it doesn’t really seem like it for the past week. I don’t know if it’s going to get any better soon.
In just a week, my aunt has been reduced to skin and bones, and I just get chills down my spine seeing her in that condition. She has become quite dependent on my sister that even if I ask her what she needs, she doesn’t answer me, but looks for my sister instead. Honestly, if I could just die instead of her, I’ll take that. I just feel worthless and hopeless. I have gone through so many frustrations in my life that I just feel tired of fighting my way through. I have not been happy for a long time. Especially since I got back to the Philippines in 2018. It has been a terrible 29 months in virtually all aspects of my life. Maybe the only thing that has improved in my life is my faith. Though with my thoughts recently, I just feel like I’m dishonoring God. But I just really couldn’t help it. I’m so sick and tired of this life.
I kept on hearing about practicing gratitude everyday to embody positivity and drastically change your life situation. But what am I supposed to write in that gratitude journal? That I’m still alive? Well I’ve already been praying for a long time that I want to die. I am just in a state where it seems that I have more issues than things to be grateful for. It’s actually an entry I’ve been thinking about so we’ll see if I could write about it soon.
In just a week, my aunt has been reduced to skin and bones, and I just get chills down my spine seeing her in that condition. She has become quite dependent on my sister that even if I ask her what she needs, she doesn’t answer me, but looks for my sister instead. Honestly, if I could just die instead of her, I’ll take that. I just feel worthless and hopeless. I have gone through so many frustrations in my life that I just feel tired of fighting my way through. I have not been happy for a long time. Especially since I got back to the Philippines in 2018. It has been a terrible 29 months in virtually all aspects of my life. Maybe the only thing that has improved in my life is my faith. Though with my thoughts recently, I just feel like I’m dishonoring God. But I just really couldn’t help it. I’m so sick and tired of this life.
I kept on hearing about practicing gratitude everyday to embody positivity and drastically change your life situation. But what am I supposed to write in that gratitude journal? That I’m still alive? Well I’ve already been praying for a long time that I want to die. I am just in a state where it seems that I have more issues than things to be grateful for. It’s actually an entry I’ve been thinking about so we’ll see if I could write about it soon.
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