Break the Cycle!
I normally prefer to write on my blog at the end of the day, but this time, I’m just really bothered that I felt compelled to pour out my thoughts right this very moment.
I grew up in a low middle class family, a one-income household where my self-employed father sometimes had a job, sometimes didn’t. I was fortunate that I was able get scholarships during my high school and college years that my parents only had to think about funding my basic necessities and other miscellaneous school expenses. As a child, I didn’t experience a lot of things most middle class kids enjoyed—taking a piano or ballet class, getting involved in sports clinics, and traveling abroad. I honestly regret not being able to experience these because I am really disappointed that I have no talent in sports, or music.
It appeared to me that as a family, we were just merely surviving—when my dad had a job, we could eat, when he didn’t, we had to sleep off the hunger or borrow money if something was urgent. Same goes with our other relatives, saving seemed like an alien concept. Why didn’t they save money for the rainy day? Is it because the income is so low that there’s nothing to set aside? Is it because of the feeling that they deserve to spend their money once it comes? Is it because of the knowledge that family and relatives are there to support them when needed?
Now that my aunt is sick, in some way, I couldn’t help but think about the financial burden such kinds of events bring to us children who are now the income earners in the family. So far, my sister had already spent more than Php 20,000 for my aunt’s hospitalization (half of which I will have to shoulder of course). There’s high likelihood that this figure will only get bigger in the coming days since my aunt’s condition has not been improving and she’s now asking to be admitted to the hospital, which will potentially cost us Php3,000-Php5,000 for the room per day plus the procedures and professional fees (the hospital is even asking us to pay Php45,000 upfront as a deposit!). Of course it is our moral responsibility to do everything we can to make sure that she would get the proper treatment and improve her chances of complete recovery, but at the same time, I just feel sad that we had to take all the financial burden.
I am not a greedy, extravagant, and self-indulgent person, but I also want to enjoy my hard-earned income. I am not saying that I don’t want to help my family and relatives at all, definitely, I have the heart to help them in times of need, but I just feel like it should have not been left entirely up to us to shoulder everything. If only I had the chance to not work and still survive and be content, I would definitely take that chance, because I am just so tired of dealing with the stress I am facing in the office each day! This mental stress has even manifested into a physical disability, as I still have Bell’s palsy for almost a year now, despite doing what I can to stay healthy like eating a balanced diet, taking vitamins, and exercising. I have been trying to be resilient, because I just could not afford to not earn money so I could live the life I want and also support my family.
I have been saving money for some time now, supposedly for my life goals, but with the things happening now and the possible health emergencies of the elderlies in our family, I don’t know if I would have to take those goals in the back seat AGAIN. I have been patient for a looooong time, I am already about to turn 34 years old now, too old to still be living with my family inside this shoebox-house filled with trashy looking stuff, withstanding the extremely warm weather in Manila. Is this the kind of life I am bound to live for the rest of my life? I am just tired, to be honest. I wonder if I could just request to have my life ended right here, right now, so I won’t have to suffer any longer and live with a lot of regrets and crushed dreams.
I grew up in a low middle class family, a one-income household where my self-employed father sometimes had a job, sometimes didn’t. I was fortunate that I was able get scholarships during my high school and college years that my parents only had to think about funding my basic necessities and other miscellaneous school expenses. As a child, I didn’t experience a lot of things most middle class kids enjoyed—taking a piano or ballet class, getting involved in sports clinics, and traveling abroad. I honestly regret not being able to experience these because I am really disappointed that I have no talent in sports, or music.
It appeared to me that as a family, we were just merely surviving—when my dad had a job, we could eat, when he didn’t, we had to sleep off the hunger or borrow money if something was urgent. Same goes with our other relatives, saving seemed like an alien concept. Why didn’t they save money for the rainy day? Is it because the income is so low that there’s nothing to set aside? Is it because of the feeling that they deserve to spend their money once it comes? Is it because of the knowledge that family and relatives are there to support them when needed?
Now that my aunt is sick, in some way, I couldn’t help but think about the financial burden such kinds of events bring to us children who are now the income earners in the family. So far, my sister had already spent more than Php 20,000 for my aunt’s hospitalization (half of which I will have to shoulder of course). There’s high likelihood that this figure will only get bigger in the coming days since my aunt’s condition has not been improving and she’s now asking to be admitted to the hospital, which will potentially cost us Php3,000-Php5,000 for the room per day plus the procedures and professional fees (the hospital is even asking us to pay Php45,000 upfront as a deposit!). Of course it is our moral responsibility to do everything we can to make sure that she would get the proper treatment and improve her chances of complete recovery, but at the same time, I just feel sad that we had to take all the financial burden.
I am not a greedy, extravagant, and self-indulgent person, but I also want to enjoy my hard-earned income. I am not saying that I don’t want to help my family and relatives at all, definitely, I have the heart to help them in times of need, but I just feel like it should have not been left entirely up to us to shoulder everything. If only I had the chance to not work and still survive and be content, I would definitely take that chance, because I am just so tired of dealing with the stress I am facing in the office each day! This mental stress has even manifested into a physical disability, as I still have Bell’s palsy for almost a year now, despite doing what I can to stay healthy like eating a balanced diet, taking vitamins, and exercising. I have been trying to be resilient, because I just could not afford to not earn money so I could live the life I want and also support my family.
I have been saving money for some time now, supposedly for my life goals, but with the things happening now and the possible health emergencies of the elderlies in our family, I don’t know if I would have to take those goals in the back seat AGAIN. I have been patient for a looooong time, I am already about to turn 34 years old now, too old to still be living with my family inside this shoebox-house filled with trashy looking stuff, withstanding the extremely warm weather in Manila. Is this the kind of life I am bound to live for the rest of my life? I am just tired, to be honest. I wonder if I could just request to have my life ended right here, right now, so I won’t have to suffer any longer and live with a lot of regrets and crushed dreams.
Comments
Post a Comment