ECQ thoughts on Day 56
Today marks 56 days since the Philippine government announced the order to put the capital under Enhanced Community Quarantine (ECQ). Since the first case reported in January 30, 2020, the Philippines didn't have any further cases for some time, apart from the 3 Chinese nationals, whose cases were eventually closed with 2 of them recovering completely and the other one succumbing to the disease. I was feeling at ease then because we could say that our country was "COVID-free". I was even frequenting Makati Medical Center at least 4 times a week for my physical therapy and perineural injections. I also went to see my favorite drag queens in their show at the Araneta Center on February 29. But of course, despite being "COVID-free" then, I was still cautious most of the time and was wearing a face mask whenever I was outside, you'd never know who might have the disease and unknowingly spreads it.
By early March, the situation started to become alarming as we were already hearing about new COVID-19 cases sprouting up in the country. Given the Filipinos' love for traveling, some people might have contracted the disease abroad and did not take the necessary precautions, which eventually led to the exponential rise in cases in the following days. Some inconsiderate people were even lying about their travel history, so the unsuspecting doctors got the disease as well.
Despite the growing number of cases, a lockdown was only announced on March 16. Naturally, I was in the office that day and almost everyone was anxious about what would happen next as there were already speculations about the possibility of a lockdown. At lunchtime, I headed straight to the pharmacy to buy medicines for my aunt as well as alcohol (limited to 2 per person). When I returned to the office, our bosses were already telling us to leave earlier so we would not be stuck on our way home. I tried not to panic, but the thought of not being able to go out for at least a month was terrifying and I also was not able to do a big batch of grocery shopping then so our pantry supplies were only good for at least 3 days. As soon as I got dropped off at the mall stop, I headed to the supermarket and bought as much as my basket could handle. The supermarket was already filled with people that I could not even get a basket with wheels when I got there.
When I got home, there was even more anxiety in the air as I learned that my dad was suffering from severe stomach pain and was vomiting blood. I was just distraught thinking about the possibility that he could have colon cancer since he had been bringing up about the blood in his stool in the past. Since I didn't really know how to drive, we had to wait for someone to drive him to the hospital. My sister accompanied my dad when the man arrived at around 11pm. The following day, we were a bit relieved to know that my dad didn't have colon cancer, but rather, a deep ulcer in his stomach. Praise God, for ulcer is definitely easier to cure than cancer.
Since my dad got out of the hospital on March 19, I haven't really gone outside of the house because I might have a compromised immune system due to Bell's palsy. Good thing my sister is responsible enough to take care of our family's needs during this time as she's the one going out of the house to buy fresh produce. I was trying to buy groceries online but all those that I've tried did not have available schedules. Recently, Lazada opened its LazMart online grocery so thankfully, I got some supplies for the family, at last.
At the onset of the lockdown, I was really very anxious to the point that my mind was racing almost all the time and found it hard to sleep. I was also feeling weary and hopeless because of the uncertainty about the future. I was supposed to go abroad in May to take my post-graduate degree but given the situation, I was not sure how I would go about it. Later in March, I received an email from the school addressed to people like me who were supposed to start classes in May. We were given 3 options: (1) push through with the classes in May but in an online format, (2) defer the start to September, and (3) refund all tuition fee payments. Of course, (3) is not an option because it has been my lifelong dream to have at least a Master's degree and I simply would not give that up. I was torn between options (1) and (2) but I was already inclined towards option (2) because I was really not comfortable about taking classes online. I also consulted my trusted friends and they all agreed with my choice, so I emailed the school that I would be deferring the start of my program to September instead.
However, just recently, I got another email from the school, saying that all classes will have to be taken online until December 31. Upon reading it, I was really devastated. How is it possible that everything bad that could happen actually transpired in this plan to study abroad? I really can't believe that the challenges still won't stop. My anxiety reared its ugly head once again. I don't know how much strength I still have to continue facing all the challenges thrown at me. It's been almost 3 years in the making and I have been doing everything in my power to make it happen, but it just doesn't materialize until now.
This morning, I watched the online preaching in Victory delivered by Pastor Ariel. It was about how Moses' mother, Jochebed, exhibited great faith by saving Moses from the hand of the king who ordered Hebrew children to be killed. The story is found in Exodus 2:1-10, where she put Moses in a papyrus basket and let him float by the River Nile so that he could be eventually adopted by the Egyptian princess. She trusted God completely to look after her son despite the risks posed by placing Moses in just a basket while in the river. Using this story, Pastor Ariel drove home the point that "it takes tremendous courage and faith to put in God’s hands what we value the most; we need to let go and put it in the hands of God so He can take care of things". I couldn't help but be in tears as I was taking note of this statement. This really hit me hard as I have been feeling really hopeless about the situation. As I've said, I've done everything in my power, and I can only do so much, so it's really just up to God at this point. Trust that God has the best plan for each of our lives.
An artist's depiction of Jochebed, Miriam and Moses
By early March, the situation started to become alarming as we were already hearing about new COVID-19 cases sprouting up in the country. Given the Filipinos' love for traveling, some people might have contracted the disease abroad and did not take the necessary precautions, which eventually led to the exponential rise in cases in the following days. Some inconsiderate people were even lying about their travel history, so the unsuspecting doctors got the disease as well.
Despite the growing number of cases, a lockdown was only announced on March 16. Naturally, I was in the office that day and almost everyone was anxious about what would happen next as there were already speculations about the possibility of a lockdown. At lunchtime, I headed straight to the pharmacy to buy medicines for my aunt as well as alcohol (limited to 2 per person). When I returned to the office, our bosses were already telling us to leave earlier so we would not be stuck on our way home. I tried not to panic, but the thought of not being able to go out for at least a month was terrifying and I also was not able to do a big batch of grocery shopping then so our pantry supplies were only good for at least 3 days. As soon as I got dropped off at the mall stop, I headed to the supermarket and bought as much as my basket could handle. The supermarket was already filled with people that I could not even get a basket with wheels when I got there.
When I got home, there was even more anxiety in the air as I learned that my dad was suffering from severe stomach pain and was vomiting blood. I was just distraught thinking about the possibility that he could have colon cancer since he had been bringing up about the blood in his stool in the past. Since I didn't really know how to drive, we had to wait for someone to drive him to the hospital. My sister accompanied my dad when the man arrived at around 11pm. The following day, we were a bit relieved to know that my dad didn't have colon cancer, but rather, a deep ulcer in his stomach. Praise God, for ulcer is definitely easier to cure than cancer.
Since my dad got out of the hospital on March 19, I haven't really gone outside of the house because I might have a compromised immune system due to Bell's palsy. Good thing my sister is responsible enough to take care of our family's needs during this time as she's the one going out of the house to buy fresh produce. I was trying to buy groceries online but all those that I've tried did not have available schedules. Recently, Lazada opened its LazMart online grocery so thankfully, I got some supplies for the family, at last.
At the onset of the lockdown, I was really very anxious to the point that my mind was racing almost all the time and found it hard to sleep. I was also feeling weary and hopeless because of the uncertainty about the future. I was supposed to go abroad in May to take my post-graduate degree but given the situation, I was not sure how I would go about it. Later in March, I received an email from the school addressed to people like me who were supposed to start classes in May. We were given 3 options: (1) push through with the classes in May but in an online format, (2) defer the start to September, and (3) refund all tuition fee payments. Of course, (3) is not an option because it has been my lifelong dream to have at least a Master's degree and I simply would not give that up. I was torn between options (1) and (2) but I was already inclined towards option (2) because I was really not comfortable about taking classes online. I also consulted my trusted friends and they all agreed with my choice, so I emailed the school that I would be deferring the start of my program to September instead.
However, just recently, I got another email from the school, saying that all classes will have to be taken online until December 31. Upon reading it, I was really devastated. How is it possible that everything bad that could happen actually transpired in this plan to study abroad? I really can't believe that the challenges still won't stop. My anxiety reared its ugly head once again. I don't know how much strength I still have to continue facing all the challenges thrown at me. It's been almost 3 years in the making and I have been doing everything in my power to make it happen, but it just doesn't materialize until now.
This morning, I watched the online preaching in Victory delivered by Pastor Ariel. It was about how Moses' mother, Jochebed, exhibited great faith by saving Moses from the hand of the king who ordered Hebrew children to be killed. The story is found in Exodus 2:1-10, where she put Moses in a papyrus basket and let him float by the River Nile so that he could be eventually adopted by the Egyptian princess. She trusted God completely to look after her son despite the risks posed by placing Moses in just a basket while in the river. Using this story, Pastor Ariel drove home the point that "it takes tremendous courage and faith to put in God’s hands what we value the most; we need to let go and put it in the hands of God so He can take care of things". I couldn't help but be in tears as I was taking note of this statement. This really hit me hard as I have been feeling really hopeless about the situation. As I've said, I've done everything in my power, and I can only do so much, so it's really just up to God at this point. Trust that God has the best plan for each of our lives.
An artist's depiction of Jochebed, Miriam and Moses
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